


Bad Decision Time with Peccant Scofflaw

by SelanPike



Category: MS Paint Adventures, MS Paint Fan Adventures, Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: Dead Shuffle, Gen, Mobsterswitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelanPike/pseuds/SelanPike
Summary: Life as an outlaw in Metropolis Central was hard. Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true. It was easy enough if you worked for Kingpin. Kingpin had everyone in his pocket, and anyone worth anything worked for him in one capacity or another. The only ones dumb enough to try to make it on their own were some assholes calling themselves the Twilight Scoundrels.Scoff came up with the name. He could have done worse, Innovator supposed, but he could have done better, too. Scofflaw wasn’t known for his good decisions.





	Bad Decision Time with Peccant Scofflaw

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little prequel of sorts to my fan-adventure Dead Shuffle. If you haven't read it, you can do so here: https://mspfa.com/?s=12747&p=1

Life as an outlaw in Metropolis Central was hard. Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true. It was easy enough if you worked for Kingpin. Kingpin had everyone in his pocket, and anyone worth anything worked for him in one capacity or another. The only ones dumb enough to try to make it on their own were some assholes calling themselves the Twilight Scoundrels.

Scoff came up with the name. He could have done worse, Innovator supposed, but he could have done better, too. Scofflaw wasn’t known for his good decisions.

A book had been missing from Innovator’s shelf for a while. Inny assumed that Scoff had just used it as a doorstop, until Scoff barged into his room holding the book. Innovator realized, upon closer scrutiny, that Scoff had dogeared the pages without asking. Rude.

“‘s real int’resting reading material y’ got, Inny,” Scofflaw said, plopping down onto the bed next to Inny. He opened the book and started flipping through, before Inny snatched it out of his hands.

“What have I told you about touching my books?” Innovator asked.

“I’m educatin’ myself,” Scofflaw said. “‘s whatcha want, right?”

Innovator narrowed his eyes, pointing to the book with an accusing look on his face. “Educating yourself on–on eldritch gods?”

“‘s interestin’ stuff,” Scoff said.

Innovator opened the book, flipping to each of the pages Scofflaw had dogeared. It was worrying, to say the least. This was a dangerous book. Dangerous to read, dangerous to touch, dangerous even to own. Inny wasn’t sure where he got it. He felt like he’d owned it for his whole life, but he knew that couldn’t be true. He probably should have gotten rid of it a long time ago, but he just couldn’t throw away a good book.

Even though that book was dangerous, and alive, and was a literal how-to guide for bringing about the end of all existence.

Here Scoff had read it, and dogeared it, and fucking highlighted it with neon green ink.

“I don’t like this,” Inny said.

“I got a plan,” Scofflaw said.

“No.” Inny snapped the book shut, and tried to ignore the eldritch whispers telling him to open it again. “I make the plans.”

“‘sa good one,” Scoff insisted.

Inny looked down at the cover. He was sure the book was staring at him. “It’s been speaking to you, hasn’t it.”

“Just a li’l,” Scoff said. “Obviously I dominated th’ conversation.”

“Nothing it’s suggested can be any good,” Inny said.

“It ain’t suggested nothin,” Scoff said. “I made plans ‘n it agreed they was a good idea.”

Innovator continued to glare at the book. Scoff kept talking. “Th’ plan’s this,” he said. “We’re gonna hook ourselves up with some ‘f these shadow powers.”

“You don’t know what you’re s-saying.”

“I know damn well what I’m sayin’,” Scoff said, standing up. “I know wars’ve been fought ‘n won with shadow magic. I know history’s fulla’ tyrants rulin’ not with ‘n iron fist, but ‘n inky, shadowy one.” Scoff grinned. “I know I wanna be a war-winnin’ tyrant.”

“They aren’t going to give you anything without asking for something in return.”

“Let ‘em ask!” Scofflaw held up his hands, shrugging. “I’m Peccant fucking Scofflaw. They wanna write a contract with me? Good fuckin’ luck to ‘em.”

“This isn’t some deadbeat trying to cut a deal on his gambling debts,” Inny said. “These are dark gods.”

“I don’ care if they’re th’ gods of breakdancin’ in the subway,” Scoff said. “Writin’ contracts is what I do. I always come out ahead.”

“You can’t cheat the Horrorterrors!”

“Anybody can be cheated!” Scoff shouted. “‘n I’m damn well gonna do it!”

Innovator rubbed his face, sighing harshly. The book whispered to him in its forgotten tongues, urging him to do it, go on, your friend’s got the right idea.

“Why are you talking to me about this?” he asked. Scofflaw was never one to ask permission. It seemed much more his style to make the deal himself, then barge in with grey skin and purple flame saying Hey Inny look what I can do.

“They won’ take me on my lonesome,” Scoff said.

“You already tried.”

Scoff nodded. “‘s gotta be you ‘n me together, they said.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“They jus’ know we’re a package deal, is all,” Scoff said. He sat back down, throwing an arm around Inny’s shoulders. “And I’m thinkin’, y’know, why stop with th’ two of us? Why not get powers for Delly, ‘n Doxy, ‘n Bawd? Between th’ five ‘f us, we’d take Kingpin down easy. Th’ whole city’d be ours for th’ takin’.”

“What makes you think any of them would agree to it?”

“Please.” Scofflaw scoffed. “Doxy ‘n Delly’ll be pleased ‘s punch t’ do it, ‘n you know Bawd’d join in if you were doin’ it.”

Innovator shook his head. “This is a bad idea.”

“Look,” Scoff said. “We gotta do somethin’. Kingpin’s comin’ down on us hard. He’s already taken out all our contacts, ‘s only a matter’f time ‘fore he shows up at our doorstep.”

“I know,” Innovator said.

“He ain’t gonna let us live, you know that.”

“We don’t know what this will do to us,” Innovator said.

“Whatever it is, ‘s sure ‘s hell better’n dyin’,” Scofflaw said.

Innovator flopped backwards on the bed. The book lay to his side, and it continued to whisper at him. It occurred to him that he never had to learn the broodfester tongues. He just always knew them, could always understand what the book whispered to him late at night. He dreamed of them sometimes. Of the Horrorterrors, and the Furthest Ring, of the vast unfathomable space full of tentacles and teeth and cold.

He’d been dreaming of it more lately. Maybe there was no avoiding this. Maybe it was always meant to be.

Scofflaw lay down beside him and started straightening out Inny’s hair. Innovator sighed, leaning into Scoff’s hand.

“I don’t like it,” he said, slowly. “But you are our leader. If–If this is what you want, I’ll do it.”

“Y’ won’t regret it,” Scofflaw said.

Innovator didn’t comment on that. He was sure he would. Scofflaw smiled at him.

“No more bein’ afraid,” Scoff said. “No more hidin’. We’re gonna bust out guns blazin’, ‘n this time we’ll stand a fightin’ chance.”

“If you say so.”

Scoff sat up. “I’ll call th’ others. We can set this up t’night. Maybe th’ Terrors’ll give us a bonus for bein’ so timely.”

“A limited time offer,” Innovator said.

Scoff laughed. “Maybe!” He ruffled Inny’s hair, undoing the work he’d just put into it. “Don’ fret none, darlin’. Like I said, I can cheat anyone. Dark gods ain’t gonna get shit from me.”

Innovator sat up, taking the book into his hands. He could feel its glee, and he knew that the Terrors being happy couldn’t mean anything good. Still, he flipped through the pages, finding Scoff’s highlights over the instructions for contacting the Noble Circle. It was easy enough. The Terrors certainly wouldn’t make it difficult for their meals to offer themselves.

Scofflaw sauntered out of the room. Innovator heard him pick up the phone and dial a number. Innovator stared at the book, trying to ignore the way the shadows around him seemed to shift. He told himself not to worry about it. He’d be able to control the shadows soon enough. 

He worried nonetheless.


End file.
